Pause – think about the last time you felt super happy.
Where were you?
Who were you with?
What were you doing?
Why were you so happy?
For me, I think of the other day when I had an energizing call with a potential partner.
Where: I was in my apartment
Who: I was alone
What: I was reflecting on how well a call went
Why: This one is tough to admit… I wasn’t happy because I did well on the call, represented myself as best I could, and got all my points across (which for the record, I did). I was happy because of the energy I received from the other person and their perceived interest in me. Really, I was happy because they assigned a value to me, my existence, and my worth, that made me feel like I was worth something, and that made me feel good.
The reason this is a dangerous way to derive happiness is because what if that person didn’t assign a high value to me? What if their energy toward me wasn’t positive, or appreciative? Does that diminish my presence or my work?
It doesn’t, but it may feel like it does.
When we rely on outside sources to validate our existence, happiness is often out of reach and constantly fleeting.
Instead of giving others the responsibility of our happiness, we can reframe to create happiness for ourselves in a more balanced way.
Yes, I got energy from talking to this person and feeling seen and heard. That is normal and I can be happy about that. However, at least 50% of my happiness in that moment should have come from how well I did on the call, how much I have grown, and the fact that I was able to create that type of experience for myself.
Maybe for you, you’re happy if your partner is happy. Or you’re in a good mood if your baby is in a good mood, it’s a good day if your boss says it’s a good day.
This week, explore what it would be like to keep track of your own internal happiness too, finding ways to feel joy internally, even when external circumstances change.
You have everything you need.
With love and light, Liv
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